THE ROMANIAN ORTHODOX METROPOLITAN OF THE TWO AMERICAS
ST. NICHOLAS AND ST. GEORGE CHURCH
NEW YORK
WEDDING
THE HOLY MATRIMONY
Where should the wedding service be held?
The Holy Matrimony service should be held in the church, because the wedding is one of the seven Sacraments and here is the holy place where the other Holy Sacraments are also celebrated and because the Church also gathers here in its sense of community, that is, the congregation of the faithful from which is a part and who, in this way, rejoices and takes part with us in one of the most important occasions of joy in our lives, just as it also takes part in our troubles and pains. That's why the celebration of the wedding ceremony at home is allowed only rarely and only for well-founded reasons, with the approval of the bishop, who decides on a case-by-case basis.
When does the wedding take place?
Being an occasion of joy and gaiety, the wedding is celebrated on holidays, immediately after the liturgy, when all the faithful are in the church.
When can't weddings be held?
According to the ninth commandment of the Church, weddings cannot be held on the following days and holidays over the year:
a) in the four fasts over the year, as in all fast days during the year: Wednesday and Friday, Day of the Cross (September 14), Beheading of St. John the Baptist (August 29). This, because the parties and guests that usually accompany the wedding do not match the repentance and restraint that the fast imposes on us (See also the Interpretation of Canon 69 of St. Apostles; canon 52 of the Synod of Laodicea and St. Simeon of Thessalonica, Answer to question 25, Romanian translation, p. 318.). In Paresimi, engagement is allowed if necessary, and this only on the day of the Annunciation (if it does not fall in the week of the Passion) and on Palm Sunday.
b) during cheese week (or white week), which is counted as preparation time for fasting.
c) in bright week (between Easter Sunday and St. Thomas Sunday), on Pentecost Sunday, in the rostime between Christmas and Epiphany, as well as on the eve of all the imperial holidays, so that the joy of weddings does not darken or make us forget the spiritual joy of those major Christian holidays.
What is engagement and what is its appointment?
Betrothal (Slavic word, which means to promise to marry) is arranged for the arrangement or wedding arrangement of two young people who have pledged themselves to each other. The Church blesses this ancient tradition through a short service, preceding the wedding or ceremony; the engagement service is usually done together with the wedding service, taking place immediately before it (but it can also be done separately, much earlier). The betrothal blessed by the Church has a special value due to its connection with marriage, with the Holy Sacrament of the Wedding, therefore it cannot be broken or undone like any human vow. The most important part of the engagement service is the priest putting the rings on the fingers of the betrothed and then changing these rings by the godfathers.
What's the point of engagement rings?
They are the sign of love, faithfulness and the lasting bond that the Sacrament of Marriage creates between the future spouses. The service of the engagement and the wedding takes place in the naos, that is, in the bosom of the Church, in front of a table on which the Holy Gospel, the wedding rings, the Holy Cross, candlesticks with candles and the engagement rings are placed. The groom sits on the right as one who is bigger and the woman's head, and the bride, on his left, near his heart and as one who is smaller than the man, being made of his rib and owing him submission and obedience. Both at the engagement and at the wedding, the bride and groom are accompanied by the nuns.
What is the purpose of the godparents at the wedding?
The purpose and duty of the godparents at the wedding are the same as those of the godparents at the baptism. They are witnesses and witnesses of the validity of the promises made by the future spouses to each other and of the durability of the bond for the rest of their lives. That's why they put their hands on the wedding rings, both when they are placed on the heads of the bride and groom, and when they are taken away. As a rule, they are the same ones from baptism, or their descendants, and they must be orthodox and with a good Christian life, behaving towards the bride and groom as their parents and teachers. During the service, the godparents hold lit torches in their hands, a symbol of the purity of the bride and groom, the light of the gift from above and the joy of the weddings.
What is the most important part of the wedding ceremony?
It is the wedding ceremony: the priest makes the sign of the cross with the wedding rings over the faces of the bride and groom three times, saying three times each time the words: "Let the servant (servant) of God (name) marry the servant (servant) of God (name) ), in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit", then he puts them on their heads, first the groom's and then the bride's.
What do the "weddings" that are placed on the heads of the bride and groom represent?
These are made in the shape of the crowns with which kings and emperors used to be crowned. They represent the beauty, honor and reward that come to the purity and virginity of the bride and groom, for which they are crowned as kings, endowed with the power to give life, to give birth to children. That's why they sing for them: "Lord, our God, with greatness and honor crown them!"
After the ceremony, the Apostle follows (from Ephesus, chapter 5, verses 20-33), in which the Holy Apostle Paul likens the wedding to the holy bond between Christ and the Church, urging the bride and groom to love one another. The Gospel is then read in which the miracle performed by the Savior at the wedding in Cana of Galilee is told (John 2, 1-11).
A litany follows, after which the priest blesses the common (common) glass, i.e. a glass of wine from which he gives the bride and groom to taste in turn, while singing: "I will take the cup of salvation and I will call on the name of the Lord" (Ps. 115 , 4).
What does this glass mean?
It means, on the one hand, the joy and gaiety of the wedding, and on the other, the union in one mind and the common purpose of the future spouses that they will share together from now on, having the same joys and the same troubles. The same things are imagined by the piece of bread that is now given to the bride and groom to taste, together with the communion glass. After this, the wedding procession, made up of servants, grooms and groomsmen, surrounds the table three times.
What does surrounding the table mean?
This encirclement in the form of a choir represents the joy of the wedding. And since the wedding is done for the purpose of the birth of babies, the Church takes us with our thoughts to the wonderful birth of the divine Child from the Holy Virgin, a birth that was especially predicted by the prophet Isaiah (7, 14). The Church now urges him, through singing, to dance together with us, for joy that his prophecy has been fulfilled: "Isaiah, dance! The virgin had in her womb..." etc. The other two hymns from the ordination service are also sung: "To the Holy Martyrs..." and "Glory to You, Christ, God...", which means that the bride and groom must become partakers of Christ and His saints, through a clean life which they will also take in marriage547 (Ibidem, ch. 282, p. 182).
Are second and third weddings permitted by the Church?
The second and third weddings used to be looked upon by the Church more harshly and allowed only as a funeral made for the weakness of human nature. That's why they were accompanied by some penances, or canons of penance (stopping from Holy Communion). Today, however, because such marriages have become more frequent, the Church is forced to allow them and to bless them, in order not to let those joined with the carnal connection, to live in sin, without God's blessing.
Is the service at the second and third wedding the same as at the first?
It's not the same. The second and third weddings are performed according to a special appointment, in which the old strict discipline with which such marriages were regarded by the Church can still be seen. This appointment is, in its first part, much simpler and less festive than the one from the first wedding. The engagement is combined here with that of the wedding, as a single service, having the blessing from the beginning not as in the Sacraments ("Blessed is the kingdom of the Father..."), but as in the services of blessing and sanctification, called hierurgies ("Blessed is our God ..."). Both the litany, as well as the prayers at the engagement, as well as those before the ceremony, include prayers for the repentance and forgiveness of the bride and groom, because accompanying them through the second or third wedding is considered a sin stemming from the carnal ignition, which they they could not overcome it. Starting from the wedding ceremony, the service schedule for the second and third weddings is exactly the same as for the first wedding.
Is the fourth wedding allowed?
The fourth wedding is considered by the Church as an offense, therefore the priests are stopped from serving it, under the penalty of excommunication (Molitfelnicul, at the end of the Wedding Appointment).
What should the bride and groom know and keep in mind?
"We must know that those who marry through the wedding have married from God and are pure with the call of the Pure One. So let them guard each other's wedding undefiled and in peace, live in piety. Those who have received union from God, for honor, love in purity, companionship in one thought and in peace, let them guard one another, like a scent, so that they are not asked to give an answer for purity and the other divine things; and to take care not only of their bodies, but also of their souls... because in this way God will be with the dances. To raise their children "in the fear and teaching of the Lord", as the godly Paul teaches (Eph. 6, 4), and from what they earn from God to have mercy on the poor brothers, so that they too may have mercy and become worthy of the kingdom of heaven, together with their sons" (Admonition to Miri, from St. Simeon of Thessalonica, About the honorable wedding, ch. 282, roman trans. p. 183). Let the bride and groom not forget that the bond with which the sacrament of marriage unites man and woman is holy and eternal, because it is blessed and consecrated by the Church, that is, strengthened by God himself. As we hear in the Apostle what is read at the wedding, this connection is likened by St. Apostle Paul to the holy and mysterious connection between Christ and the Church (Eph. 5, 23 s.u.). It must therefore remain durable and steadfast and cannot be undone for any temporary incompatibility, or for other small reasons that disturb the peace and tranquility of the home from time to time. Upsets and troubles, small or big, from which no one is exempt in life, can sometimes overshadow the understanding and harmony that must last between spouses; but they are not grounds for divorce, i.e. for breaking up marriages. "And the two will be one flesh..." says the Holy Apostle Paul about those who join each other through the Mystery of the wedding (Eph. 5, 31). "And what God has joined together, let not man put asunder...", adds the Church, quoting the Savior. Only the sin of adultery committed by one of the spouses gives the other the right to break the bond of marriage, stained by sin. And only death temporarily separates the spouses who loved each other in this life, in order to unite them again, for eternity, in the next life.
